These Sweaters Are Making Me Itchy!

An allergic-to-wool rant

I wish to put an end to all wool sweaters. Angora, cashmere, mohair, the scarf your weird neighbor knitted from their bunny's fur. Every winter the "real wool" exclamations come out. So high quality, so soft, go ahead and touch it. The homepage of most apparel sites suddenly features happy people cavorting in their real wool sweaters and scarves. Genuine - this is a genuine sweater because it is made from real wool. Thus the price tag is justified. Yet all I think when I see a sweater made from any type of wool is you couldn't pay me to wear that itchy nonsense. Or, I'd rather buy another pair of shoes for my closet because the current dusty pair is getting lonely.

I'd sooner wrap myself in a steel wool shawl.

Cotton sweaters get a bad rep. Mainly because they shrink. Each year I scour the internet for cute sweaters that are 100% cotton, then come up short and switch to looking for poly blends. Anything that won't make me itch! I actively spend time looking for what is considered a "poor quality" sweater. Beautiful, luxurious garments GTFO of the way! 

I likely have the worst sweater game of any Canadian girl ever. I own 3 - 1 loose, 1 slightly less loose, both grey. Then there's the infamous wool piano-print sweater which i picked up at Anthropologie years ago when I had more patience for physical discomfort in the name of fashion. It still makes the occasional appearance but only with a cotton tee underneath. 

My search has not been without its foibles. I've donated about 10 to the trash in the last few years because they've shrunk down to a doll's size. Remember maximalism? Every sweater had a faux necklace sewn on the front or bedazzling on the collar and by mid-season my cheap polyester sweaters had all but lost their charms. The only one that has managed not to shrink is an overly ironic "animal print" number with an actual bunny on the front, covering my whole stomach area as if to suggest  I have 56 bunnies at home and they are my closest friends. 

It makes me want to slam the table and exclaim, "These sweaters are making me itchy!"